Matt V’s 5 Choices To Host The OSCARS Other Than ‘Nobody’
There is a lot of pressure when it comes to hosting an award show. No gig proves that more than hosting the Oscars. Kevin Hart was almost host this year, until some homophobic tweets of his were dug up. After some time in limbo, it was announced that for the first time since 1989, the Oscars would go hostless.
People are saying “maybe it’s for the best”. No one ever comes off well, and some awards get cut out of the broadcast to accommodate the outrageous bits the hosts want to do to make them stand out. Well, I don’t think they looked hard enough.
Below are my top 5 choices on who should host the Oscars, assuming they’d say “Yes,” of course.
5. Peyton Manning
Just bear with me here. Peyton has hosted award shows before. He is charismatic and charming. He is also to the point, and is Hollywood adjacent. The circle jerk that happens at the Oscars would be broken, yet it wouldn’t feel like he is a complete outsider. Plus, he was in a movie in 2018 and is legitimately funny! He’d get a few jabs in, and move the show on with efficiency like a 2 minute drill on the football field. You want the show to end at 11PM sharp? Manning is your Peyt, err, I mean Peyton is your man.
4. Wanda Sykes
It is nerve-racking to be on the world’s biggest stage in front of your peers. But someone as naturally funny as Wanda Sykes would kill it. She could call out all of the hypocrisy and still be hilarious and efficient at the same time. Sykes is a veteran in the industry and would be able to hold her own very well. Anyone capable of being sweet and sarcastic at the same time has what it takes to host the Oscars.
3. The Chrises: Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Pratt, and Chris Pine
It is a running joke on social media as to which Chris is the best (spoilers: It’s Evans), but they are all pretty great. So why not put the joke on front street? Have them all host. The bit at the beginning writes itself, and then after that, each one can take an hour segment or something. Sprinkle some Christopher Plummer, Christoph Waltz, and Christopher Nolan in there, and you have a serviceable, and fun, award show!
I don’t think “Nobody” as the host of the Oscars is the answer, but what if it is “no body” – the super computer played Jeopardy pretty effectively, why couldn’t it tell a few jokes and announce people? It would be an experiment for sure, and for a stale formula that likes to play it safe, it could be just what the show needs. Throw in some cameos from a jealous Siri and Alexa, and you might have one of the most creative and talked about award shows ever. Even if it doesn’t quite land, everyone will remember when they tried to shoot for the moon.
1. Jeff Ross
The Roastmaster General would be P-E-R-F-E-C-T. Perfect. A 4 hour roast session with the biggest names in Hollywood where no one would be safe? It would be a hilarious, glorious, bloodbath. We need to learn to laugh at things again, and there would be no better way than to give Ross a mic and let him do what he does best in a room where everyone takes themselves way too seriously. The best part? He already volunteered.
Ok fine I’ll host the Oscars.
— Jeff Ross (@realjeffreyross) January 3, 2019
The Oscars have a hosting problem. No doubt about it. But the solution is not nobody. Let’s see if they can fix it next year.